Catching up...or something like that

Dear Friends,

Oh, how I have missed you (like seriously, missed you!).  I have missed staying caught up with your lives, living vicariously though your dreams and being there with you on your best days and and also on your hardest.  Life has handed me a bit of a challenge--and that challenge is to learn how to focus on what is most important.  Unfortunately, that doesn't involve perusing blogs, it doesn't involve looking for much inspiration in the colorful creations of others...rather, it means relying on the essential.  It also hasn't found time for me to develop many talents (including writing; keeping up on the blog), as I either don't have time or just need some time to rest and be still with my husband.  

That said, please forgive me for late birthday wishes, congratulations that needed to be spoken for the end of finals and graduation events and basically the overdue cheering on your most important milestones.  To some, these things may seem small...and perfectly acceptable to be forgotten (or even mentioned late), but it BUGS me that I can't be super woman.  It really eats at my self-worth that I can't do everything right, and oftentimes totally fail at making up for times when I just do it all wrong. 

Oh...wait.  You didn't come here for a pity-party OR a laundry list of faults (because trust me...I was just getting started.  I could keep you here all day...).  You came to see how we were doing, and let me tell you--life is good.  Stressful, yes.  Hard, yes.  A struggle sometimes (especially to get out the door to exercise, or to peel ourselves out of bed at 5:40-something-am for work), oh yea baby!  However, there really are the best of rewards.  There is much love in our new home.  Yes, that is right, we moved into a town home.  A place we call our home, and we love it.  But mostly, we love each other most.  We are constantly trying to work on making our communication better, on saying the little things more, and on trying to understand the bigger picture, rather then just getting upset at, for example, the jerk that cut us off (I'm mostly still working on that one!) and applying that to work/school/family/etc.  We would love to have our family grow, but are realizing that will happen in the Lord's time.  At the end of the day, we are especially grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that helped us to find each other, so that we can continue to work on the hard things together and be made stronger together too--all so that we are ready to help those around us.

Work is good--so busy, and such a time of growth, but it is good.  I was feeling sorry for myself the other day, and in doing some self-talk, started to have the following conversation:

-"Megan, exercising is sometimes hard, and sometimes you really just try to avoid it"

-"well, yes..."

-"Well, what if Heavenly Father is trying to prepare you for something?  What if He is trying to get you ready for the marathon you'll need to run as a mom...what if there is something else coming that you need this spiritual muscle growth for...did you think of that?"

-"Well, I do enjoy the results of a good work out program...and the sense of accomplishment that comes from mastering something with hard work...hum, I wonder what is coming..."

Who knows...but for now, I will do my best not to avoid the exercise, but to embrace it.  I will try to look for opportunities to be better, instead of slipping down to the comfortable and missing the toned muscle in my heart and mind.  Can you tell I've been thinking a lot about exercise lately?  Might have something to do with Biggest Loser...and my own personal goals...yea, probably something like that.  In anycase, I need to sign off for now.  My sweet husband is ready for our study time.

Sweet dreams to all of you as well.  I am not M.I.A. Promise.  Just trying to find my place so that I can tell you more about it soon enough.

Hugs,

Megan

Goals

So this week, I went on a pretty strict "internet fast" at work.  This was in an effort to show my boss (and those around me) that I was really serious about the wanting more work.  I didn't want there to be anything deferring them (or even myself) from knowing that I am ready and willing to work.  It really seemed to help...I'd do all the work I was responsible for, alert a few people that I could help, and then read the book I'd brought with me (A Heart Like His: Making Space for Gods Love in Your Life).  I really feel like this time in my life is a learning time--a time for testing, a time for a little more faith and a little more work, and especially a time for loving and forgiving, which is why I struggle with the lack of work  (Among a few other things...)I think.  Anyway--in leaving myself available to help others when I finished with what I needed, it seemed like there wasn't a ton of time to read.  Along with that, it helped me remember things I might normally forget if I was distracted by something else.  Anyway...I think I need to continue this for a while, just to help me be a little more in control (or actually, let Heavenly Father be more in control) of what is happening in my life...really, it did seem to affect my attitude for the whole week. 

In going along with my internet fast, I also have been striving to find peace with certain things (in particular, certain relationships) in my life.  I don't remember times when I've struggled with being patient or forgiving of others...until now.  There are a few things in my life that bring out deep-seated emotions, that sometimes surprise me.  Usually my poor husband (and my insides of course) bear the brunt of these emotions, but as a result some of my relationships with others have begun to wear down as a result.  Fortunately, I've been blessed with excellent reading and listening material (The Peacegiver, A Heart Like His, and For all Eternity) that has helped me understand certain principles, some of which include the following:

1. The problem starts with me, and especially, how I choose to react to the situation

2. It doesn't matter what the other person does to me or my family; rather, it is (returning to the above) how I choose to respond that counts

3. I need to let the Saviors suffering be enough...He doesn't expect (or even want) me to hold onto any hurt or pain I might feel at the expense of others

4. Efforts at real communication=multitude of blessings

5. Never ask why, or even offer why--rather, take responsibility for your actions when apologizing, and ask the people you've hurt/offended to help you change your course (in other words, repent)

Now, I know that the above might sound harsh...and I'm probably getting into too many details, but please know that many would think my current set of worries pretty harmless, and maybe even dumb.  However, these were things I needed to hear lately that pertained to me and helped me understand myself, as well as those around me.  I just wanted to share in the hopes that maybe they will peak some thought in you as well...just if you needed it ;D.  Anyway, I just learned I need to keep moving forward...whether at a turtle's pace, or at a rabbit's pace.

Speaking of turtles, I went running outside for the first time this year...very slowly...and my goodness, not the best day to do so.  Then again, maybe it was, because it is a start!  I did the loop around town, and even stopped in a new little boutique, and then headed towards home.  Before Trent and I got married, I ran a lot more (well in the 2 years before we got married...it was a new thing) and I'm hoping to find my way back to that place.  I think it will help me in many ways.  

Other then that, things are somewhat mellow around here.  Last week I took Amanda to the Orem Fitness Center to work out on the elliptical.  I think I wore her out :D but it was good for both of us to be there together.  That child...sometimes I think we are making real progress, and sometimes not.  However, I had a revelation the other day--I think I just need to figure out what "real progress" with her really is.  After all, she is living in a completely different environment then us, with pressures I NEVER had at her age.  If she succeeds at school, is kind to her peers, avoids a fight because someone was calling her names, etc...THAT is certainly progress.  Outside of that (i.e. other life skills)...those are the ones we need to keep working on :D  She really is a good kid...we just want to see her get out of the rut her family has been in for years.

Also, we got to go spend some time with 1 of my o-so-adorable (I have 2 of them!!) nieces, as well as her 2 wonderful brothers.  Her birthday is at the end of the month, and so she and I spent a few hours making her birthday present (a book with her favorite pictures :)  It was great fun!

Well, now that I've made this into an official journal entry (really am sorry if this is too personal...), I'll stop for now.  This week coming up will be crazy with all kinds of fun...Southtowne Expo.  It will be fun to see the friends we've made the past few years, and hopefully sell lots of stuff for the company.  Have a great week friends!

Need a pick-me-up? :)

Try this...

Life Lessons

Just when I think you have things under control, when I think I've buried the hatchet and have moved on...bu-BAM!  Nope, sorry!  Try again.  Sometimes it's hard to learn the same lesson again, and again, oh, and again.  When that happens, I think "not caring" is the answer...just so that I don't have any feelings to one side at least.  However, I realize that won't solve anything, as one must have feelings about certain issues that are close to the heart, either one way or another.  All thoughts of not caring really only leave me feeling guilty or a bit like a scallywag. So, I process the moment; feel the guilt that comes with my actions, give myself a "talking to", pick myself up, and try to keep moving forward as gracefully as possible...even if it's at a turtle's pace. I know learning is part of life--I just wish my heart and (especially) my pride would learn a little bit faster!

Life, what can you say? (Part 2)

So you know, there are those goals that are just hard for me to keep.  Journaling is one of them.  I try to blog during certain times of the day, because the computer at home is either in use (by my very studious husband) or I'm just too tired (going to have to make some adjustments when the kids come!).  However, I've had a new goal of really putting my shoulder to the wheel at work and it is going pretty ok so far.  This means, though, that I need to make new time to blog.  Since Trent is home sick today, I'm going to blog during my lunch.  So here we go:

Recent events 

1. Amanda outings: On the 1st of this month, we went to the DI to find some treasures.  We each had $5 (I set the limit low, or else... ;0).  I found 3 books to add to our children's book collection, and she found a shirt.  Yea!  This past Tuesday, we went to Roberts and got supplies for decorating a canvas.  This canvas was to be a creative way of displaying our goals, as I felt it was time to get us both thinking about them (AND writing them down).  I'll have to post a picture later of mine...I left the camera in the car while we decorated them and didn't get a picture of hers.

2. Family time: We got to attend my Uncle Craig's 60th birthday this past weekend, AND got to have dinner with Grandpa twice in the past two weeks.  Poor guy found out he had pneumonia this last week, so we got to take him dinner yesterday (extra dinner time :).

 3. Sad but so good(and a bit cheezy): Do any of you watch The Biggest Loser? I haven't ever watched it as consistently as I have this past season, and this is a good one.  Last week, the contestants got to have a home visit.  It was so much fun watching them all...I cried.  Then Arthur went home...and I cried more (sometimes I am such a baby).  Like, seriously.  I was angry with the red team, and angry that they couldn't say anything better then "we need to be loyal to our team" as the reason for sending him home.  Then, they showed how he is doing today, and he is great.  He probably would've lost more had he been able to stay on the ranch longer, but as for his attitude--it was awesome.  At that point, I realized I needed to buck-up and deal.  After all, what were my tears worth if he was being positive, making progress, and seeing great results?  

This lesson came into full application when I attended a funeral for my friends' little boy this past weekend.  He only lived 3 1/2 months, and had an impact on every life he touched...including mine.  I didn't know about his death until the day before the funeral, didn't even know he was born yet either (last time I saw his mom was in October at Krystal's wedding, at which point she was still pregnant.  Still...bad friend).  When I got to the funeral, I didn't know what to expect, as I myself wouldn't know how I would handle something like this.  And you know, Jen and Scott were amazing, absolutely AMAZING.  When I was talking to Scott's dad after the service, he related to me (and another friend) the process they went though to get the funeral planned.  President DuVall told his son "We don't have funerals for babies." To which Scott replied "Haven't you always told us, funerals are opportunities for us to teach the gospel?"  And boy, were we taught!  I left feeling tired and worn out from the experience, and knowing everything was really going to be ok.  There were 3 main lessons that stuck with me that day, namely: 1.The gospel is real (and still true...love those reminders :); 2. the Atonement really does have the power to heal hearts (you know this, you just sometimes wonder how to apply it to yourself and those around you) and 3. Jen and Scott will have their hard days, but they will be blessed to have the comfort of the Spirit with them on those days...all because they understand the preceding 2 points.  Once again, it was time to buck up and think.  How would my tears help them when they were blessed with a greater peace?  I needed to look inside myself to understand and apply these lessons, and their preparation helped me.  

4.  This face...

...the one holding these sweet little ones, is sick today.  My poor husband feels like he's been hit by a bus.  I can't wait until I can go home and take care of him.

And that, friends, is the best, most concise update for my absence these past few weeks (that and all the busy-ness that comes with life).  Hope you are all well!  Until next time...

Current happenings

So, I love to read blogs like NieNie, CJane, Where flowers bloom, etc because I come away inspired. My thoughts are found somewhere in the mix of "I want to be more humble, I need to read my scriptures more, I need to pass out more notes to my neighbors, I want to be more organized, I want to be a super mommy, I want to refinish all the furniture in our apartment", etc. Tiring huh? After all, I might have many of the same responsibilities as them. Some of them include being a wife and having a husband I love to do things for, having a full time job, having a calling, crafting, wondering about when our family will grow... all thoughts and actions that come in no particular order. Anyway--I wanted to start our blog for a few reasons; the main reasons being 1. to keep a journal and 2. to inspire others. Now, while those thoughts of inspiration are still percolating (heck, they may never surface...or may take years, one of the two :), I will do some journaling. Here is what we've been up to lately (and the pictures are in no particular order...still trying to figure out that part... :)

1. Studying...and lots of it! Trent has got a full load (between school and work) this semester. My sweet husband is a great student too...we've started weekly planning sessions that help us both stay on schedule :)

2. Taking pictures of our nieces and nephews (we must have like 20 from nearly every time we get together...can't get enough of them...)

3. Planning parties...love family time :)

4. Planning for and learning along with our nursery kids...this is their most recent favorite "closing activity"


5. Getting updates from these two beauties (and the rest of our lovely family :)

There you have it for today...need to get back to my project at work :)