Goals

So this week, I went on a pretty strict "internet fast" at work.  This was in an effort to show my boss (and those around me) that I was really serious about the wanting more work.  I didn't want there to be anything deferring them (or even myself) from knowing that I am ready and willing to work.  It really seemed to help...I'd do all the work I was responsible for, alert a few people that I could help, and then read the book I'd brought with me (A Heart Like His: Making Space for Gods Love in Your Life).  I really feel like this time in my life is a learning time--a time for testing, a time for a little more faith and a little more work, and especially a time for loving and forgiving, which is why I struggle with the lack of work  (Among a few other things...)I think.  Anyway--in leaving myself available to help others when I finished with what I needed, it seemed like there wasn't a ton of time to read.  Along with that, it helped me remember things I might normally forget if I was distracted by something else.  Anyway...I think I need to continue this for a while, just to help me be a little more in control (or actually, let Heavenly Father be more in control) of what is happening in my life...really, it did seem to affect my attitude for the whole week. 

In going along with my internet fast, I also have been striving to find peace with certain things (in particular, certain relationships) in my life.  I don't remember times when I've struggled with being patient or forgiving of others...until now.  There are a few things in my life that bring out deep-seated emotions, that sometimes surprise me.  Usually my poor husband (and my insides of course) bear the brunt of these emotions, but as a result some of my relationships with others have begun to wear down as a result.  Fortunately, I've been blessed with excellent reading and listening material (The Peacegiver, A Heart Like His, and For all Eternity) that has helped me understand certain principles, some of which include the following:

1. The problem starts with me, and especially, how I choose to react to the situation

2. It doesn't matter what the other person does to me or my family; rather, it is (returning to the above) how I choose to respond that counts

3. I need to let the Saviors suffering be enough...He doesn't expect (or even want) me to hold onto any hurt or pain I might feel at the expense of others

4. Efforts at real communication=multitude of blessings

5. Never ask why, or even offer why--rather, take responsibility for your actions when apologizing, and ask the people you've hurt/offended to help you change your course (in other words, repent)

Now, I know that the above might sound harsh...and I'm probably getting into too many details, but please know that many would think my current set of worries pretty harmless, and maybe even dumb.  However, these were things I needed to hear lately that pertained to me and helped me understand myself, as well as those around me.  I just wanted to share in the hopes that maybe they will peak some thought in you as well...just if you needed it ;D.  Anyway, I just learned I need to keep moving forward...whether at a turtle's pace, or at a rabbit's pace.

Speaking of turtles, I went running outside for the first time this year...very slowly...and my goodness, not the best day to do so.  Then again, maybe it was, because it is a start!  I did the loop around town, and even stopped in a new little boutique, and then headed towards home.  Before Trent and I got married, I ran a lot more (well in the 2 years before we got married...it was a new thing) and I'm hoping to find my way back to that place.  I think it will help me in many ways.  

Other then that, things are somewhat mellow around here.  Last week I took Amanda to the Orem Fitness Center to work out on the elliptical.  I think I wore her out :D but it was good for both of us to be there together.  That child...sometimes I think we are making real progress, and sometimes not.  However, I had a revelation the other day--I think I just need to figure out what "real progress" with her really is.  After all, she is living in a completely different environment then us, with pressures I NEVER had at her age.  If she succeeds at school, is kind to her peers, avoids a fight because someone was calling her names, etc...THAT is certainly progress.  Outside of that (i.e. other life skills)...those are the ones we need to keep working on :D  She really is a good kid...we just want to see her get out of the rut her family has been in for years.

Also, we got to go spend some time with 1 of my o-so-adorable (I have 2 of them!!) nieces, as well as her 2 wonderful brothers.  Her birthday is at the end of the month, and so she and I spent a few hours making her birthday present (a book with her favorite pictures :)  It was great fun!

Well, now that I've made this into an official journal entry (really am sorry if this is too personal...), I'll stop for now.  This week coming up will be crazy with all kinds of fun...Southtowne Expo.  It will be fun to see the friends we've made the past few years, and hopefully sell lots of stuff for the company.  Have a great week friends!